Reaching Back
by vivevoce
Summary: The Facts of Life as you know it- that blood is thicker than water. That families look out for each other. That there's a war going on. That Kanda completely lacks hormones. Of all the things that could tear them apart, did it have to be this one? Yullen.
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

_-_

_Prologue_

_-_

_"Sacrificial lambs don't think when they're being led right up to the alter. They just walk along. _

_They don't bleat, or make a complaint, not even when the priest sets fire to the twigs before slitting their throats. _

_Sacrificial lambs don't reconsider when they're up there, giving themselves up for the better good. They don't look back and consider what they could be missing, what they're giving up for this."_

_She stared at him, with eyes as resolute and condemning as a lunar eclipse. Blue-black irises, so much like Kanda's that it hurt, bore two holes into his own silver ones. Black as an eclipse face-on, it blocked all the feeling and thought behind a black, circular shield that he couldn't read—that only by looking at the slivers of light tracing the edges could he see the blinding emotion sealed behind it._

_The anger; t__he distrust._

_The fierce resolution._

_The blame._

_Allen couldn't return that gaze, no matter how hard he tried; no matter his efforts to make eye contact and to actually hold it. Because unlike everyone else's faces which he could so easily read, unlike everyone else's lies which he could so easily blow off, he knew that this time around, someone else was right._

_No matter how much it hurt, or tore at his heart or made him bleed, he knew that what she was saying made sense._

_She turned her gaze away and stared at the whitewashed walls, as she delivered the final parting words that would come before condemning him._

_"This is why I hate people like you, Allen Walker," the Japanese woman whispered, so softly that it was either a warning of tears, or of violence._

_Allen's injuries were giving him hell right now; his Innocence arm burned, and his back felt like it'd been snapped in four different places. Looking at the red staining the crisp, white bandages, he considered, briefly, buzzing in a nurse so they could change the strips and give him fresh ones. Even so, could they really reach inside his chest to bandage up the biggest wound he possessed of all? Could three rolls of tape really be enough to bind up a broken heart?_

_Her eyes turned to him._

_"Kanda's mistake has never been choosing a man. I really couldn't care less. But I just don't see, why out of all the others out there, he had to choose you."_

_Allen's shoulders slumped, and he felt the rip in his shoulder reopen. But even as the matrons came in, even as the woman left without a backwards glance, Allen noticed that they left the door open to face another room._

_The ICU._

_Where Kanda was._

_Allen took his head in his hands and slumped down against the railing; just let the pieces of his heart clatter on the tiles as they re-bandaged him, and fussed over his heart monitor, and kindly reassured him it was not his fault._

_They were lying._

Why did it have to be you?


	2. Chapter 2: What Brings You Here?

_**Author's Note:  
**This has got to be my first time writing anything that makes some sense;  
It's also my first time even considering yaoi,  
considering I don't roll that way, and am as straight as dental floss.  
But this is a special case!  
Yaoi for anything else...? No. But Yullen...? AH... I'll have to make an exception. ;)  
Read and Review; I'd love to see what I'm doing right/wrong on this first attempt. _

_(Required) Disclaimer: I do not own D. GrayMan. Surely I'm not worthy of it. Surely not._

-

It was a Monday. Everybody hated Mondays. It didn't matter whether you were rich or poor, young or old—unless there was a regular carnival planned, or a pay-raise coming that day, Mondays are never fun.

Lavi totally disagreed.

"_A-A-A-A-LLEEEEEEN!"_

By law of the jungle, whomever happened to be in hearing range of the hunting cry of the _Red-Headus Idiotus _got a default three seconds headstart before they were subjected to the oncoming chokehold. But, Allen, being a seasoned friend of Lavi's for over three years, and an expert eater-and-runner for all the rest of them was too experienced by then not to know how to avoid such a situation; when Lavi reached the trio, he found himself hugging the air in front of Lenalee's face where Allen had previously been. He looked up disappointedly.

Allen, who was by now balancing his Jeep-sized breakfast tray a safe distance away, tossed an apple into the air in way of greeting.

"Hey, Lavi."

Lavi caught the projectile and stuffed it in his mouth.

"Mornin'," he said, perking up.

Kanda, disgusted by the affair, made to sit down at his usual spot at the table. Lenalee set her tray down across from him and gestured for Lavi to sit down.

"You're late," she said, when he took his spot.

"Sorry, babe," Lavi grinned, crunching on his breakfast. "Got held up by your—I mean, _our_ lunatic brother-in-law."

Lenalee scowled, but flushed pink all the same.

"Komui-niisan is not a lunatic, Lavi!" she chided. "And we're not married, get that through your head."

"Not yet we aren't," he said, green eye twinkling with glee. He got an annoyed smack on the arm for his trouble.

Kanda rolled his eyes and broke his chopsticks as Allen came to sit down next to him.

"So what else is new?" He asked, now absently shoveling soba down his famished gullet. "Besides you two and your wedding plans, that is?"

Lavi cut in before Lenalee could protest.

"Just got some new recruits. Some people transferred in from the Asia Branch," he said seriously (although the effect was ruined slightly when he started using his apple to monopolize the conversation). "Looks to be about five; not too many exorcists, and none cursed as far as I know, but who can tell besides Allen? I crossed the labs earlier, and I think Komui's trying his hand at another Komrin 2.0, 'though I pray to God it doesn't blow up headquarters like the last one. Miranda broke another set of plates somewhere on the third floor, don't ask me how, and oh, somebody stole my lucky scarf."

Kanda's left eye ticked.

"Fascinating. Anything else?"

"Nope," he said, spinning his apple core in the air. "Unless you want to hear this one HILARIOUS story I heard from Jerry about two Noah who walk into a bar, and ask for a room…"

Kanda shoved his plate away from him.

"I lost my appetite."

Lavi snickered.

"Such a dirty mind, Yuu-chan…"

Allen saved Lavi from being brained by Kanda's lunch tray by jumping into the conversation.

"So that's why you were late?" He asked, discretely trying to shield Lavi's head and most of his vital organs from Kanda's reach. "You had to show the new recruits around?"

"Oh no," Lavi said, oblivious to the death threat sitting three feet across from him. "That was Crowly, the poor man; I'm not too sure how well those guys would react to a vampire host."

"Better than they would to a rabbit," Kanda huffed, cooling down. He leaned his back against the wall and closed himself off from the conversation by observing the breakfast line. Allen just shrugged, and started on his Eggs Benedict.

"So, did you get to talk to any of them?" Lenalee asked, tucking her boyishly short hair behind one ear (it was just long enough now that it framed her face and eyes flatteringly). Lavi smiled as he stole one of her scones and starting munching on it.

"Nah, I didn't get too close—some of them looked pretty intimidating from a distance. Plus, I wasn't too sure if they spoke English…"

Lenalee rolled her eyes.

"Typical, Lavi," the Chinese said, nibbling off a morsel from Lavi's hand. "Just because they're from China…"

"H-Hey, I didn't mean anything by it! Lenalee— !"

"Save it," she winked, stealing back her scone from the unsuspecting rabbit. Lavi scowled.

"You've been hanging around with Allen too much, if you how to hustle…"

"Nonsense," she said, though she winked at the silver-haired exorcist. "I learned it from you."

"Me?" Lavi spluttered. "Allen, you're not babysitting any of our children in the near future if you're going to be teaching them such trickery and lies—"

"How many times have I told you, we are _NOT married!_"

Allen, smiling politely (though by now growing bored of this conversation), shifted closer to Kanda; who had been sitting stock-still and silent during the whole exchange.

Kanda and Allen had finally decided to take it steady about five months ago; after a retrieval mission in Paris. The Innocence had been retrieved, and about eighty Level Threes were defeated; though at the cost of several rather severe injuries and Kanda lying half-naked in a hotelroom as the Finder left them both alone to recover. There had been only one bed, and… well… Allen was just too smart to let an opportunity like that pass. The City of Love tended to have that effect on people.

Lenalee and Lavi were both pretty cool about it, for two people who just returned to find that both their friends were homosexuals; and the rest of the Order was… accepting enough (minus a few squeamish individuals who made a point to turn the other direction when Allen decided to give Kanda a kiss good-night… Oh well, it was better than Timcampy, who made it a point to BITE Kanda when that happened).

The two exorcists' relationship had drastically altered; they were both pretty happy about it, and more accepting of the other… So why was it that Allen froze as he leaned into the stone-still individual next to him?

"Kanda?"

The exorcist didn't respond; his shoulders were tense against the wall he was leaning on, and his eyes wide and hard with some inner chill. Allen felt a shiver go down his spine, and, in an act of the utmost concern, set his beloved breakfast down in order to talk to him.

"Kanda?"

Nothing.

Okay, _now _he was worried.

Kanda was a man of very few, but colorful, moods. Even so, no matter _what_ mood of the rainbow he was in, he would always respond in some kind of way; whether it be to pass sarcastic comment, or to threaten you with the pointy end of Mugen, or glare at you in the hopes you would spontaneously combust. It took a real experienced person to separate his individual moods from his default one—but even so, it wouldn't take a real Einstein to figure out when he was pissed.

Allen's eyebrows pulled together.

By that point, Allen was so attuned to the Japanese exorcist that reading his moods had become like reading a well-worn novel; unlike most others, he could differentiate Pissed Kanda from Aggrieved Kanda, and Aggrieved Kanda from Annoyed-as-Hell Kanda. When Kanda was happy, he would always catch Allen's eye from across the room, and make a point to be nice to Timcampy and (God forbid) Lavi; when he was in a sour mood, he'd scarf down his soba like he hated it, and his kisses would always leave off before it quite begun.

And when he was mad…

Allen followed his gaze worriedly, in the hopes of saving whatever poor soul Kanda had lasered his sights on.

This wasn't Pissed Kanda or Aggrieved Kanda, or any of the other fluctuations of his fury: this was Demonically-Possessed, Battle-Ready, Bring-Out-the-Akuma Angry. It went beyond pissed—when Kanda was in this mood, he was dangerous.

And he honestly had no clue as to what could've triggered it—no matter how it seemed, Kanda wasn't so fickle or overly sensitive as to kill everyone who annoyed him (Lavi was living proof). He only reserved that look for Akuma. So when his sights fell on the source of his partner's fury, he found himself bracing his left eye for an Akuma, or a Noah who had somehow made it past security, or an escaped convict with a killing intent…

He was disappointed.

The woman was who waiting in line looked to be about Komui's age; she was Oriental, and austere, and didn't look like she was creating any fuss. His left eye stayed silent, so she couldn't have been an Akuma in disguise, much less a Noah…

He turned back to Kanda, confused, to see him still rigid and wearing that murderous look of incredulity on his face. He looked at her more closely.

The exorcist was wearing the standard-issued uniform of the Black Order, although with a floor-length skirt that brushed the ground when she walked. She was tall, with long, black hair, and moderately attractive features; her face was expressionless, and she had an imperious, straight-backed bearing that reminded Allen of someone… Perhaps Anita?

Allen hadn't seen her around before, and her features were clearly Oriental…

_Maybe this was one of the new transfers… _he thought.

Just then, as if she felt the holes being lasered in her back by Kanda's gaze, the woman turned around. There was a moment where Allen thought about shouting a warning out to her, to look away before his boyfriend tried to kill her. However, the warning was unneeded. While the exorcist stiffened as Kanda's eyes speared hers, Allen was mildly impressed by the fact that she wasn't shrinking away. In fact… For just a brief second, her eyes widened while a confusing mixture of emotions flashed across her face.

Was that _anger _he saw there?

But before Allen could register what he had seen, the exorcist had already turned her gaze away. She calmly paid Jerry for her food, thanked him, and walked away. At that moment, Kanda suddenly leapt up out of his seat and set off in a mad dash out the cafeteria; leaving behind a startled Lenalee and an overturned Lavi; the latter gave a loud shriek as he fell.

"K-Kanda! What the heck…? Where are you going!"

"_Kanda_! Wait, Lavi, let me help you up— _Allen!_ What's wrong?"

But by that time, both exorcists were gone, and only the still swinging double-doors signified where they had went.

-

Allen felt the blood pounding in his ears as he dashed after Kanda, wondering what the heck was setting his boyfriend off to such extremes. By that time, they'd tailed the female exorcist past the cafeteria, out to the stairwell, and Allen (who was somewhat out of breath by that point) fervently hoped that Kanda wouldn't try to climb the goddamn _steps._ How the hell did that woman walk so fast?

Before he could consider tackling Kanda and letting the exorcist make her escape, however, Kanda; who was several yards ahead, made a rough grab for her shoulder, before whirling her around. In a flash, Allen caught up with them, surprised that the former would be so violent—he always showed _some_ measure of respect for women. Kanda glared at the exorcist, and his expression, which had previously been staggered with shock and fury, now displayed murderous intent.

"You?" he snarled.

Allen, who had no idea what the hell was going on, tried to pry get Kanda to pry his fingers off of the woman's shoulder (which by now should be losing all circulation). Shock, however, stopped him from ever completing his mission; the next words out of Kanda's mouth made his fingers freeze before they left his side.

"What the fuck are you still doing alive?"

As the woman appraised the Japanese coldly, it hit Allen.

The blue-black eyes; the imposing stature; the cold, imperious gaze.

It took the two of them side-by-side for it to click, but now he couldn't believe how he had missed it; the impossible truth nailed Allen in the lungs. It wasn't Anita that she reminded him of.

Two pairs of identical eyes exchanged a long, hard gaze; one murderously angry, while the other coldly appraising. Finally, she responded.

"Hello to you too, cousin."

**_Author's Note:_**

_The idea came to me out of nowhere one day while I comtemplated Kanda's family.  
After all, he was adopted by Tiedoll (or Theodore, whichever you prefer)  
in the manga and they don't go on to say much else.  
At first, I was just considering going on to write Yullen fluff and leaving it at that;  
but then, me, being me, really hated to see things work out that easily:  
After all, isn't half the journey__ the way you get there or whatever?  
Kanda's so aristocratic or stuck up or just plain irritable that, you gotta admit,  
it's not that hard picturing him coming from some  
horrible family background where it's all royalty and high expectations and not living up to it.  
I mean, he's got to get his perfectionistic, stick-up-the-ass nature from somewhere, right?  
And it sure as hell aint Tiedoll who instills it in him.  
__Anyways, it really intrigued me to have this obstacle stand in between the two,  
and I hope that I can write it out in a way that it seems like that for you guys too.  
_

_And now I'm rambling.  
I should really cut this short._

_Review! :D_


	3. Chapter 3: Estranged

**Author's Note:  
**_Update! Update!!  
Thanks to all the wonderful, wonderful people who alerted this story,  
and doubly thanks to those who took the time to review! :D  
[This is out to you guys: KISProductions, StopLemons, babo123, and of course, Sora Pwns]  
If I haven't had time to respond to your reviews, then I'm terribly sorry for my lameness,  
and offer you this chapter as attonement for my crimes D:_

_(Required) Disclaimer: The day I own D. GrayMan is the day that it snows in Hell-  
which is also, coincidentally,  
the same day that Allen loses a poker game, Lavi gives up sarcasm,  
and Kanda spontaneously feels the urge to take up ballet._

Yeah. NOT HAPPENING.

-

Kanda felt like he'd been nailed in the chest by a sledgehammer.

The blood roared in his ears; his fingers clenched until it was clear he would either have to pull away, or risk breaking her arm.

It was impossible.

It couldn't be.

When he'd first seen her in the cafeteria, he'd thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. After all, it had been fourteen freaking _years_. A person could change a lot in that time span—hell knows _he_ did. But she… she hadn't changed a bit. Seeing her in that breakfast line; unscathed, detached, like nothing had ever happened… It was like getting hit by a wreaking ball—when it hit, it hit you _hard. _

Kanda's grip further tightened.

The anger, the horror, the blood. The pressing of darkness against your eardrums that made you want to claw them out and scream. He'd hung on the past fourteen years of his life, reliving that day. He'd wrung himself dry of tears; screamed himself hoarse of nightmares; set his heart to stone, and left that incident behind.

He'd let go. It'd taken most of his childhood, but he'd gotten over it. And then _she_ came back.

The black and white memories fluttered at the back of his consciousness, demanding to be re-noticed. He shoved them away.

She couldn't be here; period.

Because if she was still alive…then did that mean…?

But before he could further doubt her identity, the female exorcist disengaged herself in such a way that settled all previous misgivings.

In the millisecond it took for his fingers to clamp down on her shoulder, there was a smooth sliding of metal against metal, and the sharp edge of a sword was suddenly angled against his neck.

Fuck. It _was_ her.

He let go, and she stepped back, deftly sheathing her blade before she was entirely untangled—still as faultless as ever. The bitch.

The previous detached mask of ice had disappeared, and his big cousin grinned; the smile spreading across her face like a wildfire, utterly reforming the landscape.

"Yuu-kun," she said, sliding on the nickname as easily as if she hadn't just held a sword against his neck. "It's good to see you again."

He ignored the niceties, just as he ignored the fire roaring in his stomach, and Allen gaping noiselessly in the background, and the fact that she'd just used his freakin' first _name_.

"You… you're alive." He said, if only to hear it out loud in front of him—the final proof that it was all true. He forced himself to say her name.

"Hiroko."

Maybe, if it hadn't been for the fact that he'd forsaken her for dead all these years, and maybe, if he'd taken some of those anger management classes that Allen had kept yapping on about, Kanda wouldn't have given a damn whether she showed up in the Black Order or not. But circumstances tended to shift on their own agenda, and there wasn't a damned thing you could do about it.

She was here, and they were family—estranged, maybe, but still family.

And as family, there were certain rules he had to adhere to—which was the only reason he hadn't run her through with Mugen by now.

"You're alive."

Hiroko's eyebrows arched loftily at that statement.

"I'm alive," she repeated, sweeping her arms. "You're alive. He's alive," she said, gesturing to Allen. "I'm sorry, I never got your name by the way." She swept into a diplomatic bow. "My name is Nakahira Hiroko. Please to make your acquaintance."

He felt like they were both children again, and he'd just asked her why the sky was blue. Being the older, she'd smiled and answered him in the exact same tone she'd used when he asked her that particular question. _Because I said so. _

Allen smiled weakly, and managed a feeble salute.

"Allen Walker, at your service, ma'am. Uh… Nakahira-san, if you don't mind me asking…do you happen to _know_ Kanda…?"

"Of course she does, moyashi," Kanda growled. "Why the hell else would I be yelling at her?"

Anger had a temperature. It was hot.

The second she'd _dared _to turn and talk to Allen, Kanda felt like he'd been forced to swallow live lava; he didn't think, he just burned. She'd been dead (repeat once more for emphasis, _DEAD)_ for _fourteen freaking years_, and now she just showed back up in his life like nothing ever happened? How could she even be _standing_ here right now, talking like a diplomat like she did _before? _How could she just smile and pretend her way through this shit again, just like nothing had ever happened?

Hiroko chose to ignore him.

"As it so happens, I do," she sighed, still addressing Allen as she lowered her arms. "Fourteen years… it's been so long, Yuu." She turned to him. "I didn't think I'd run into you here…"

"How are you still alive?" He spat, fists clenching against his sides. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I could ask the same of you, dear cousin." She said evenly. "I'm here because the Order needs for me to be. I've been member and part of the Church for the past twelve years, through the Asia Branch." She raised an eyebrow. "After all, some of us aren't so lucky as to get adopted by illustrious generals… I had to work my way to get here."

"And are you saying I didn't?" He gritted, fingers practically itching for Mugen. He noticed Allen's warning look, but ignored it.

"Nothing so crass as that, Yuu… I just missed you. It's been a while."

She appraised him, her face calm and level.

"I see you've grown," she said when she finished, meeting his eyes again. "And," she added, eyeing Mugen strapped to his side, "I can see you finally learned how to fight… I'd love to spar with you sometime, see how far you've gotten—"

"Don't give me any of those mind games, Hiroko. I'm not a freakin' child anymore."

"Just making conversation, Yuu. We have a lot of catching up to do."

"The _hell _we do—"

"Kanda-san!"

Kanda whirled around to see Komui coming his way, Reever jogging to catch up behind him.

"Komui?"

The Chinese man stopped in front of the hostile exorcist, grin still firmly in place.

"I see you've met one of the new recruits," Komui said, gesturing haphazardly with his coffee mug. "I hope you haven't been giving Nakahira-san any trouble now, have you, Kanda?"

"Not at all, Supervisor-san," Hiroko said, smiling wanly at him. "We were just catching up."

An eyebrow comically disappeared beneath Komui's beret.

"Catching up? Wha—"

"Why didn't you freakin' tell me you transferred my cousin into headquarters?!" Kanda interrupted, practically nose-to-nose with the Chinese man. Reever, who was beside Komui, suddenly found himself staring down the blunt end of Mugen's sheathe; the blade was halfway drawn.

This was news to Komui.

"Cousins?" He squawked, ignoring the bristling, homicidal intent coming off in waves before him. "You have a cousin?"

"We've been separated for a while," Hiroko smoothly interjected. "I hadn't even realized he was living in Europe, until this moment." Komui swiveled his head around in delighted shock.

"You're related to Kanda-san?!"

"As I've just said."

Clearly, the supervisor was getting to Hiroko too; it gave Kanda some grim satisfaction at seeing the holes chip themselves in his cousin's mask. There's was but a moment's shocked silence.

"...Well," Reever finally whistled, relooking over some files he'd been carrying in the crook of his arm. "Sure didn't see this coming… Cousins, are you sure?"

Kanda didn't notice himself nod; his eyes were still fixed on Hiroko.

"This is most unexpected, Nakahira-san," Komui blinked, having recovered admirably from the shock. "I uh, thought Kanda was orphaned, with no living relations."

"So did I," Kanda hissed, eyes narrowing. He noticed that she still hadn't answered his question.

Hiroko slid her gaze to the side, hair falling over the Exorcist's Cross on her lapel.

"I hadn't realized that the Dark Order brought me here to interrogate me," she said slowly. "No offense intended, Supervisor, but my family history is something of a private matter to be discussed."

Komui waited for her to clarify; however, she didn't. In the end (though clearly disappointed) he nodded his consent.

"I suppose it is... which just leaves me to interrogate it out of Kanda-san!" A flash of steel quickly had him backtracking. "At some other time," Komui muttered. "In the meantime, we have some other matters to attend to, Nakahira-san. There's still the matter of the forms to be filled out for your unit..."

Kanda stood stock-still throughout this entire exchange, giving his cousin one last, searching glare. Then he turned around and stalked away.

-

Kanda felt his arm being seized the moment he was clear of the stairwells and into the dark, tunneling hallways. Whirling around to behead the suicidal idiot who dared to touch him, Kanda found himself face-to-face with Allen. He'd almost forgotten him in the haze of red hovering behind his eyelids. Taking a deep breath to grant himself patience, Kanda closed his eyes, and gritted between his teeth, "What?"

"What was that?" Allen demanded, still not letting go of his arm.

Kanda was sorely tempted to dropkick his partner into a wall, but at the very last minute, decided against it.

"That was me finding out that I'm not an orphan," he growled.

Allen opened his mouth, with every intention of demanding the whole story, but at the look on Kanda's face, stopped. Kanda hadn't looked at him when he said that, and his shoulders were as tightly wound as a trip coil. Allen's fingers hesitated, before letting go of Kanda's sleeve.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" He asked, taking one step back to give his partner breathing room.

Kanda turned his face away, and took another deep breath. Allen watched his shoulders loosen imperceptibly.

"No," the Japanese man admitted. "But you're going to have to."

And with that, he stalked away, not caring where he was going.

-

-

-

There was a patrol going out that afternoon, and Allen was assigned to it. This was a pain, considering Kanda wasn't assigned, and Allen had no intention of leaving the moody exorcist to wallow, but what could he do?

"How many do we have on this unit?" Allen asked Komui some fifteen minutes later, as he shrugged on his exorcists coat.

"Five," the Chinese man said, consulting his papers. Allen froze.

"Five? What priority mission is this?"

"A pretty important one," Komui said, shuffling some documents. "Nothing on someone of your caliber, though, so you shouldn't worry too much. We're just being cautious. Can't lose anymore of our exorcists now, can we?"

Allen gave him a searching look before letting it go.

"I guess. Where to?"

"Southern Italy," Komui answered. "There's Innocence there, and we need you to retrieve it. 'Course, there's going to be several of the Earl's Akuma, and possibly a few Noah blocking the way, so…"

"I see. Who else is assigned?"

"Two Finders, and a few of the new recruits."

"Anyone I know?"

"Well, there's Link…"

Allen stifled an aggravated growl. Komui's smile was almost apologetic.

"You'll make friends."

Allen wasn't very surprised. Lately, ever since the higher uppers found out that Allen could possibly embody the 14th Noah, it'd seemed like nobody (outside the few who knew him personally) could stand to be near him anymore (save for Link, but that was, of course, only on Central's orders). The only missions he got sent on were with total strangers. None of the old crowd were assigned; Lavi, Lenalee, Crowley, Kanda… The only people he was surrounded by on his patrols were stern-faced spectators who got the job done, and got out. Allen could only assume that they were being lumped together on missions for protection; being as the parameters he received were always pretty high-risk.

Allen sighed.

He supposed that he shouldn't be too resentful. The higher uppers probably didn't mean anything against it; there were a limited number of exorcists running about these days, and very few of them had the necessary hundred percent sync-rate. They couldn't always play the dream team; it should only make sense to send him off on the more difficult missions.

Even if it did mean he was usually gone for weeks at a time…

…even if the _others _had sync-rates in the high-nineties too…

He sighed.

…He shouldn't be complaining.

At least it meant they still trusted him.

"Here are the tickets." Komui said, handing them to Allen, who snapped back to reality long enough to pocket them. "You'll meet your team at the station most likely; some of them are still getting ready."

"Right," Allen muttered. "Thanks Komui."

"Any time," the eccentric supervisor sing-songed, glasses flashing.

-

Komui's smile remained fixed like that, all the way until Allen had walked out the office. Only when the exorcist's footsteps faded safely off into the distance did it finally slide off his face. Like paint slipping down a wall, the grin was replaced by a grim slash of a line. Komui readjusted his beret; the light sliding over his glasses and turning them opaque.

"Keep on walking, Allen," he muttered to the empty room, knowing full well the other boy wouldn't hear. "And watch your steps."

Then, he busied himself once more with his papers.

Komui's theory went a little something like this; if a problem existed, either you work your way around it or pretend it wasn't there. Then, working along the lines of that reasoning, if he just kept himself busy enough, maybe it would go away.

Maybe, just maybe, he could convince himself that he wasn't a part of this.

Absently, he gulped down a cold swallow of Lenalee's coffee, and grimaced. He shoved it away.

Komui couldn't tell if the bitter taste in his mouth was from the lukewarm grains, or from following orders.

-

Allen still hadn't seen Kanda before he left, so it was with an air of stormy gloom that he headed off to the station to meet his group. The weather appeared to match his mood. It was windy, and ridiculously cold outside for late May; Allen's face stung as the taxi he'd hailed on the outskirts of town finally dropped him off at the station. Fisting his fingers inside his pockets to keep warm, and resisting the urge to start a bonfire out of every flammable object in the vicinity, Allen trudged towards the station and out of the chill.

He saw the cluster of tell-tale black coats before he heard them—as he approached, he counted the white crosses.

One, two, three… He counted four people.

Great, they were all here.

As far as Allen could tell, there was only one Finder in the group; he was the one toting the oversized backpack, and the rest were either supporters or Exorcists. He grimaced as he recognized the back of Link's blond, pony-tailed head.

Almost as if he heard his thoughts, Link turned around.

"Walker," he greeted tonelessly.

Allen nodded politely back. Ever since Kanda and Allen had come back from Paris, Link had been making himself surprisingly scarce around the white-haired boy.

Perhaps it was because Central was starting to trust him---or maybe it was just because Link knew that Kanda would break his arm if he came within ten meters of Allen. Either way, Allen had enjoyed the momentary lapse in surveillance.

It was just a pity that all good things must come to an end.

"Are you ready to go?"

"I've got everything here with me," Allen said, hefting his suitcase.

It was going to take at least a week to complete this mission—another reason Allen's molars were grinding in the back of his skull. The longer Kanda had to stew, the tougher life would be living with him when he got back, and _goddammit_, life was already tough enough without that. Allen's smile was slightly strained as he spoke.

"I take it everyone's here?" he asked, head swiveling to take in the group.

Link nodded, just as the train pulled up, hissing. Plumes of white curled into the frigid air as the doors to the compartments opened, and Allen exhaled; relieved that he wouldn't have to continue in the pathetic motions of making small talk. He hefted his pack onto his back and took a step forward. A hand stopped him from immediately boarding however.

"You dropped something."

Allen's eye twitched as he turned around, preparing to mutter a reluctant thank you to the stalkerish blonde. What instead came out of his mouth sounded embarrassingly like a yelp, however, as he realized two things:

One, Link was already in the compartment ahead of him.

And two, the voice he'd been conversing with had been feminine.

Time did this weird thing where everything started slowing down, before coming to a screeching halt. Then, it started up again. It was all Allen could do not to drop his suitcase onto his foot.

"N-Nakahira-san?"

Kanda's cousin stood there in the cold, like some incredibly sadistic mirage; still offering him his fallen glove.

"Oh… Walker-san," she said ironically. "How nice to see you again." Allen could literally feel the air crystallizing in his lungs.

Of all the people…

"I- uh… I didn't know you were assigned to this patrol, Nakahira-san," Allen said, awkwardly accepting back his glove. "Didn't you just arrive…?"

The exorcist shrugged one shoulder and let it fall.

"I suppose that three hour stop is all the rest I'm going to get," she said, politely inclining her head for him to get on the train, before she followed. Allen nodded weakly, forcing himself to think in a straight line as he placed one foot in front of the other onto the carriage.

Breathe, Allen, just breathe.

Inhale…

Exhale… Good.

Just keep that up…

Only once the whole group was onboard and settled in did Allen realize his fingers were shaking as they stowed his luggage onto the rack. He fisted them and fell into his seat, eyes downcast.

He _really_ shouldn't have been so shocked.

The exorcists were spread real thin right now, _right?_

Therefore, it would only make sense for them to send completely new recruits on missions before they'd even settled in.

_Right_?

Allen raked hand through his hair, and forced the air through his teeth, trying to calm down.

Maybe it was just the fact that it was _Kanda's_ estranged older cousin sitting next to him right now that was freaking him out—after all, (if he was being honest with himself) it wasn't like he was having mild hysterics over the other recruits. There was another Chinese man, clearly new too, and the Finder who boarded the train last, who, even with his cropped, spiky pink hair, and black stud in one ear, wasn't causing Allen to hyperventilate.

He'd faced down Noah creepier that this; hell, in the time that they met, Hiroko'd only spoken all of four sentences to him— it was absolutely ridiculous that he should be scared right now.

"…"

He winced.

He was afraid of her? Well, whatever problems she might've had lay with Kanda, not with him. What was he getting so worked up about?

_She's just another colleague, _he thought firmly to himself twenty minutes later, as he watched the exorcist out of the corner of his eye._ This is strictly professional. Do NOT get your personal affairs mixed up in the mission. It doesn't matter if Kanda might hate her guts… Or that she might be your in-law…_

That particular line of reasoning only succeeded in making him turn green; by the time he finished, Allen was so tense that when Link headed out the compartment to take a call on his golem, he almost found himself hauling the blonde back—if only because he was the only familiar face he'd see for the next week. Somehow, he succeeded in stopping himself.

_Calm down, Allen. __Just calm down. _

_Sit on your hands if you have to. _

In the end, he only watched, as the compartment doors slowly slid shut, unhindered, behind the inspector—condemning him to a week-long mission in the presence of total strangers. Allen waited for the next ten minutes for the doors to reopen and let light back in. They didn't.

He sighed and pinched at the bridge of his nose.

...This next week was not going to be fun.

-

**Author's Note:**

_This chapter took me a while to write, due to the fact that I'm, inconveniently,  
moving to the house down the street this week, and therefore, things have been pretty crazy.  
However, in between homework, failing epically at my physics project,  
and reading stuff that my friend pressured me to,  
I managed to update this!  
Also, funny story.  
I was skimming through the archive D. Grayman stories for YULLEN!  
and chanced upon a story that was  
KICKASS FREAKIN' **AWESOME** and then realized, halfway through,  
that one of the OCs was _also_ named Hiroko and was _also_ related to Kanda  
(she was his tough-love mother).  
Only thing was, it was in the WAYYY later chapters that she made an appearance,  
so, legally, at the time, I didn't know I was all but plagerizing their story  
(Niamh, you're a fantastic writer, please don't kill me! D:)  
Honestly, though, if I had changed the name, our Hirokos they're not that much alike,  
unless you look really closely at their relationship to Kanda and squint. Really, really hard.  
But alas, Hiroko's such a perfect name for them both, so what can we do? (shrugs)  
Sadly, in the end, I couldn't enjoy the KICKASS AWESOME STORY (The Fine Line, for all who wonder)  
after that revelation, because the whole time I was _supposed_ to be reading,  
I was now only thinking, 'Please, God, don't sue."_

_And that ends the Author's note for this week.  
I won't be updating soon, because I'm moving.  
Just like to throw that out there.  
Drop a review, please! :D_


End file.
